Am I weird? Nevermind – don’t answer that. I’m normal, and here are ten reasons why.
1. I want to be a tree.
“Mrs. Allbritton, when I told my mama you want to be a tree, she said my teacher is crazy.”
2. Walking is my favorite mode of transportation.
“Mrs. Allbritton, why do you walk to school when you have a car? That’s just messed up.”
3. I would rather be in Monroe, Louisiana than Paris, France.
“What are you complaining about – you’re in Paris! Are you out of your mind?”
4. Even pushing fifty, I am still Pearl Jam’s Number One Fan in the Universe and once drove a thousand miles to see them because I got tired of waiting for them to come to Louisiana. Plus I wrote a novel where they played an integral role. Everybody does that, right?
“What are you, sixteen? Girl, you ain’t right.”
5. I dance like Elaine from Seinfeld and don’t care.
“Mama, you’re disturbed. Please stop. You dance like Elaine.”
6. I write haikus when I’m engaged in boring activities – like meetings.
Whisper: “Don’t do that, Stacy Lyn – you’re making me laugh and now I look as crazy as you!”
People like to talk.
Yet they have nothing to say.
Blah blah blah snooze snore.
7. I actually know the name of the Starbucks CEO – (Howard Schultz, by the way) and if he were a rock star, I’d be a groupie, because I am a freak for all things Starbucks and am proud to pay $3 for a café-au-lait with brevé.
“Why would you pay that much for Starbucks coffee when Folgers is just as good – are you nuts?”
8. I think there should be an emoticon for “rock on” and it should look something like this: -../
“Is this what you think about all day? Something’s wrong with you.”
9. I think entertainers should entertain, not opine about who should drive an electric car while they soar around the globe in a private jet, or foreign policy, or whatever.
“You didn’t hear what XX said? Oh yeah, you’re living in that Stacy bubble.”
And the number one, I mean, number ten reason why I am not weird:
10. I would rather eat candy for supper than almost anything else.
“Is that what you’re going to eat? I’m not even going to say anything.”
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂